Posted: 2:00 p.m. Tuesday, March 12, 2013
By Matt Borcas
"There is no good and evil... there is only power, and those too weak to understand it." - Quirinus Quirrell
"No one man should have all that power." - Yeezy
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely." - Every social studies teacher ever.
Sports Illustrated released a list last week purporting to honor the 50 most powerful people in sports, a list inexplicably devoid of anyone with strong (or weak, for that matter) Ohio State ties and therefore inherently flawed. It's a shame thatSI botched a page view-generating opportunity to recognize the greatest off-the-field movers, shakers, and Worldwide Wes-wannabes, many of whom happen to be Buckeyes. Rather than wait for Bleacher Report to rectify this injustice, we took it upon ourselves to do so. Here is Land-Grant Holy Land's official list of the five most powerful Buckeyes; feel free to point out any glaring omissions in the comments!
1. Leslie Wexner - CEO, Limited Brands: With his name on the football complex, arts center, and medical center, Wexner is still the straw that stirs OSU's drink. This very site may one day be re-christened Les Wexner Holy Land if he ponies up enough cash. (Rumor has it that he's in talks to plaster the Greek translation to his name on every frat/sorority house east of High Street.) At 75, some question Wexner's sway over college students, forgetting that Victoria's Secret, which produces an annual soft-core fashion show that is of profound interest to undergrads nationwide, is part of the Limited Brands conglomerate. However, it should be noted that his resignation from the OSU Board of Trustees last June remains shrouded in mystery, and could portend a waning influence in Columbus. Wexner's held this list's top spot for three decades, but will have to fight to keep it in 2014.
2. Big Nut - Celebrity fan, Ohio State football: "I am an average fan with a big spirit," Nut told the Ottawa County Exponent last month, clearly selling himself short. Of course, we all know that the man who has "a couple of escorts with [him]" at games is the most powerful and legendary member of OSU's esteemed class of celebrity fans. As the face of Buckeye Nation, Nut represents the little guy in college athletics - you, me, and the 102,327 other screaming fans at the Horseshoe each Saturday - and is thus afforded immense power.
3. Javaune Adams-Gaston - Vice President for Student Life, Ohio State: On the fateful morning of Monday, November 19, 2012, Ms. Adams-Gaston sent a mass email to OSU students, informing them that "The Mirror Lake jump is not one of [Ohio State's wonderful traditions]. And I strongly encourage you not to participate." While many would disagree with Adams-Gaston's vilification of the Mirror Lake jump, students politely heeded her request and stayed out of the water. The video below serves as a lasting tribute to her power.
4. Constance Bumgarner Gee - Ex-wife of Gordon Gee: Bumgarner published Higher Education: Marijuana at the Mansion last September, which according to Amazon is a "a story of power, politics, and just plain bad manners at the uppermost echelons of university life," focusing on the Wall Street Journal's 2006 report that she used marijuana to remedy an inner-ear ailment at Braeburn, the mansion she lived in when then-husband Gordon Gee was Vanderbilt's "star chancellor." She's got to have incriminating photos of Gee smoking stashed away somewhere that she's leveraging for exorbitant sums of money, and for that reason alone she makes our list. For what it's worth, the book earned an aggregate 4-star user rating.
5. Ted Ginn, Sr. - Head Football Coach, Glenville High School: Once a Buckeye Power List stalwart, Ginn made this year's list solely on past performance and is in real danger of going unranked next year for the first time since 1999. He constructed the famed Glenville Pipeline that exploded in the early-to-mid 00's, sending Donte Whitner, Ted Ginn, Jr., and Troy Smith, among others, to Ohio State. Nonetheless, when four-star offensive tackle Aundrey Walker eschewed OSU for the probation-plagued pastures of USC in 2010, fans (celebrity and plebeian alike) began to speculate about the Pipeline's demise. Its future is directly tied to the success of Glenville alums and current Buckeyes Cardale Jones, Devan Bogard, and Christopher Worley.